I Can't Believe I Wrote a Harry Potter Fanfic
by Venus
Summary: Based on a dream I had. Harry's come to a realization about his life but it's not easy for those around him to understand it.


This scene is based on a dream I had. Actually, I think I dreamed it, then reviewed and revised it in a sort of lucid dreaming state between snooze alarms. By the time I was really awake, this scene was fully formed in my mind and I wrote it down immediately. 

It's kinda short, kinda plotless, kinda angsty, most likely been done before... I never thought I'd be contributing to the over population of HP fics on ff.net! But, here it is anyway. :) 

I should probably give this a proper title, but, heh, I can't think of anything. ^.^; 

This takes place at the end of Harry's seventh year at Hogwarts. 

* * *

Hermione sprinted down the path that connected Hogwarts with Hogsmead. The steady rhythm of her feet pounding the ground was only interrupted when she leapt a gnarled tree root. 

A horrible feeling gnawed at her stomach. It had started earlier that afternoon between classes. Already exhausted and frazzled as she hurried to her final exam, a distraught Ron had caught up to her in the bustling hallway and had given her the news. She had tried to concentrate after that but the cold, dizzying sort of feeling had only intensified. Finally she gave up and handed in her exam not even bothering to double or triple check it. She had stopped in her dorm only long enough to change out of her robes and drop her books, before running out of the castle. She had to say all of the things that her churning mind had rehearsed during her final. She knew where to find him and what she had to say to change his mind. 

Students who had finished their exams were already mobbing the stores and cafes of the village. Hermione should have been with them. Or waiting outside of Ron's classroom to hear how he had fared on his final exam, to reassure him that he had done well. He desperately needed to pass that exam, and after an all-nighter of tutoring him she really wanted to know how it had gone. But this which had suddenly come up was more important. 

Hermione rounded a corner nearing the outskirts of town. Ahead was a small cabin. She darted across a small foot-bridge and flung the door open magically before she was close enough to touch it. She skidded to a stop inside the door, out of breath. 

Across the room with his back to her a tall, raven-haired teenager was pulling things out of a trunk. He didn't even turn to look at her, as if he had known she was coming, but the white owl perched protectively on his shoulder rotated her head around to glare. 

"Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?" Hermione challenged, out of breath. 

"No," came a quiet reply which she didn't believe. 

"You've been avoiding us for days..." 

He shrugged. 

"You're not going!" she said in a rush. "You can't!" 

"...I am." He didn't look up from the clothes he was folding on the bed. 

"I know you want to be an Auror but you can't just rush off like this! You have to get some more training, do some more studying! I thought we were going to do that together." 

He didn't reply. 

"Ok? Why don't you come talk with Dumbledore about it?I know he'll help us get started... ok?" She ran her fingers through her sweaty hair, annoyed that he wasn't agreeing with her logic. "At least... at least wait until the end of the school year," she pleaded, his silence unbearable. "It's just a few days... just give yourself a little time to think about this!" 

"You're not going to change my mind," he said softly, confirming her fears and exasperating her. "I've had more than enough time to think about it already." 

Frustrated she retorted, "But Harry! You can only be lucky so many times! You're going to get yourself killed! What do you think-" 

He whirled around, green eyes flashing behind his thick glasses. Hedwig gave a perturbed hoot and flew to a more steady perch on the windowsill. 

"I should have been killed sixteen years ago!" he yelled. "All this time since then it's just been some kind of... of a mistake!" 

Hermione blinked. "That's not- is that what you think?" 

"I've never belonged anywhere, fit in anywhere, not with the Muggles, not here. The harder I try to be normal and live a normal life, the more abnormal my life gets!" 

"So what! Do you think that means you should get yourself killed?!" Hermione shrieked back. 

"It means that there's nothing else I can do! It's like everything is giving me a gigantic message and I can't ignore it anymore! There's nothing else that I'm supposed to do, but face Voldemort and-" 

"And die a martyr? Like your parents?" Hermione replied scathingly. She knew his vulnerable spots. 

Harry narrowed his eyes. "If I die or not, I have to go. There's nothing else I can do." 

"You're saying that you think fate, or God, or something only allowed you to live so that you could fulfill a single mission? Only allowed you a few extra years so you could achieve one goal? I don't believe that! Even if you're not like everybody else - I don't care! You've got plenty of things to look forward to! Your life is your own!" Hermione stomped her foot. 

Harry gave her a dry look. "You have no idea what my life is like." 

She opened her mouth to yell at him that yes, she did, she'd spent seven years at his side... but it dawned on her that she really didn't know that much about what went on inside his head... what he'd seen, his pain, his nightmares, his losses. She had only caught tiny glimpses of them before he brushed them away, always keeping them to himself, trying... 

Trying to be normal. Like everybody else. 

She sank into a chair. He was right. She didn't understand him. His life was too far outside of the scope of her experiences for her to fathom. And no matter how hard he'd tried to escape those things, they kept pursuing him. Maybe he was right about fate... she shook her head. She'd known all this somewhere deep in her mind for a long time now, and she'd also known she'd lose this battle with him before it even began. The fight had gone out of her. 

She looked up. He had resumed sorting through his trunk, pulling out things to pack. Invisibility cloak, some red and gold feathers, many tiny bottles of potions, something that looked like a shard of a broken mirror. She picked it up and looked into it thoughtfully. She saw herself flanked by Ron and Harry smiling back at her. She gazed at it for a long time, mulling over her thoughts, before pulling herself back to reality. 

"What about Cho?" she asked softly. 

"She understands." 

Hermione frowned and stared at the floor. "She loves you..." 

"...that's why she understands." 

She sighed then, her vision blurring a little. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. When she raised her head again, Harry was wincing with his palm against his forehead. 

"Harry!" 

"It's nothing." 

"It's hurting you again, isn't it?" 

"No," he lied moving his hand. After a pause he corrected himself. "It always hurts." 

Hermione sighed again. She watched Harry pack his belongings into a backpack. Then he scribbled something onto a piece of parchment. 

"Keep this safe," he said, handing it to her. 

"What is it?" 

"It says that if I- um, if anything happens to me... I want the Weasleys to get what's in my vault at Gringotts." Harry paused. "Only, don't tell Ron. He tore up the first one." 

Hermione shook her head, oddly amused. 

"You take whatever you need too. I know they won't mind." 

"No. I don't need anything." She folded the parchment safely into her pocket. "So... I really can't change your mind about going, can I?" 

"No." 

"Alright." She stood up. "I have something for you then, Harry. Sit down." She pushed him down by his shoulders. "Close your eyes. Keep them closed." 

He did and felt her take off his glasses. He heard the slight "click" as she placed them on the table. For a second Harry wondered wildly if she was going to kiss him and just how wonderful and horrible and confusing that would be, but no, he heard her simply say a few unfamiliar words. Through his eyelids he saw a purple light fade to yellow. 

"Ok," she said. 

He opened his eyes and saw her put her wand away. She smiled, a little nervous. "I was going to give it to you as a surprise before the Quiddich playoffs started, but now... well I figure you can use anything that'll help." 

He wasn't sure what she'd done at first until he realized that she and the whole room were now in perfect focus. He looked at his hands, Hedwig on the windowsill, his glasses on the table. "Wow..." 

"It took me ages to figure out how to do it." 

"I didn't even know it could be done..." 

She smiled. He looked different without his glasses. His eyes seemed more vividly green, his scar more pronounced. "You like it?" 

"Yes. Thank you!" He smiled slightly at her, then cinched his knapsack shut. Hedwig obediently flew to his outstretched arm. 

"So I... I guess..." Hermione stuttered. "I don't know what to say. Oh Harry!" She hugged him fiercely, Hedwig's wings beat both of them as she tried to regain her balance. "You're crazy!" She stepped back and wiped her eyes. "Just don't get yourself killed out there." 

"I don't plan to." He moved toward the door. 

"What about Ron?" 

Harry hesitated. "I tried to say goodbye to him this morning... he threw a punch at me." 

Hermione sighed. 

"He'll be ok. He's got you." Harry stepped out the door. 

She watched him as he walked out of Hogsmead. She felt limp and drained. She picked up his glasses and wondered if she would ever see him again, or if his name would just become another name in her history books, a boy who she thought she had once known.


End file.
